if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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