haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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