It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My pussy is not your playground.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
