i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize