After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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