you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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