So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
