Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
