very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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