She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize