remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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