so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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