Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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