she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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