Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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