Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
