I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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