Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
