She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Houston, we have a blender
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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