My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Alive.
So much puke
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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