they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
