White coat. Heels.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's just like the Real World with babies
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
