at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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