Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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