Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My ass is underappreciated
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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