I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
