Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
