Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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