there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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