Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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