we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
