Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
