Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize