I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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