I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
