Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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