FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
