I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
