fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
