So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
