id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
