Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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