if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
