just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
