My hair reeks of homosexuality.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
