He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
