i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
