i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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