When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
