when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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