My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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