You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
