You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thus making me awesome and them whores
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
