I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
