Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
