i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
