Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
