Dual....:-)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
