who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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