did you get engaged???
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
