Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
