Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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